Your Secret Compass: Why Personal Values Shape Everything
- Stefan Jurgens
- Jun 16
- 2 min read
Feeling lost in your own life? Your hidden values may hold the key. Discover the 5-minute exercise that helped me leave an unfulfilling career—and reflect on what truly matters.
The Unsettling Question That Changes Us
I remember a teacher asking, "What do you value?" "Money!" someone shouted. "Sleep!" said another. We were kids, unaware of the weight of that question.
Years later, it resurfaced as I stood at a career crossroads, wondering: What truly matters to me? That question can unsettle us … and for good reason.
When life feels 'off,' it's often because we've drifted from what matters most.
Values Are Living Guides—Not Fixed Rules
Often, we can view values as permanent fixtures, when in truth they evolve alongside us.
The wisdom lies not in preserving them unchanged, but in recognizing how their core meaning adapts throughout our life's journey.
The challenge isn't discovering them once, but listening as they shift throughout our lives.
Our values blend:
What we're taught (family, culture, faith)
What we've learned through joy and struggle
What we're still growing into
At 20, freedom might mean adventure. At 40, it could mean financial independence. This isn't inconsistency, it's wisdom.
When Life Looks Good But Feels Wrong
You might have the "right" job, relationships, and achievements, yet feel strangely hollow.
Notice:
The heaviness after saying "yes" against your gut
The lightness when you honour a quiet truth
Goals are external (the promotion, the move)
Values are how you want to feel (connected, purposeful, free)
Misalignment shows up physically: a knot in your stomach, fatigue that coffee won't fix.
Alignment feels like energy renewing itself.
Shadow Values: The Beliefs You Didn't Choose
Some values operate invisibly, prioritizing appearances over authenticity:
"Always be productive" (even when exhausted)
"Never disappoint others" (even when it costs you)
Ask gently: Would I still care about this if no one were watching?
A 5-Minute Values Check-In
Name What Resonates
Choose 5-7 words: Creativity? Justice? Stability? Connection?
Pick Your Top 3
Which feel most urgent now?
Assess Alignment
Rate each (1-10). For lower scores: What’s one tiny action to honour this value this week?
Note Obstacles
What makes this hard? A fear? Time? What might help?
Why This Matters
When everything shifts, our values keep us rooted. Viktor Frankl observed that Holocaust survivors who held to meaning—through love, purpose, or choice—endured unimaginable hardship.
We don’t control life’s events, but we choose how to meet them. Our values live in that choice.
PS - If you’re ready to align with what truly matters to you, I help people like you to bridge that gap.
At Inner Counsel Therapy, I help individuals to cultivate balanced, compassionate relationships with their goals and self-expectations. Together, we explore ways to embrace growth with kindness and authenticity. Book a free consultation and begin your journey back to yourself.
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