Feeling Unjustly Treated? How to Cope and Stay Grounded

Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, What just happened? 

Perhaps someone made assumptions about you, dismissed your efforts, or spoke to you with disrespect. It stings, especially when you know deep down that you were misunderstood. Many people struggle with coping with being misunderstood, and the hurt it leaves behind can feel heavy.

I know that feeling, too.

I once walked into an interview feeling prepared and hopeful, only to learn the interviewer hadn’t read my resume. They asked questions that could have been answered on the first page and even suggested I was working outside my professional scope, which was completely inaccurate. I left feeling shaken and disheartened.

Unfair treatment hurts. Yet learning how to deal with unfair treatment can make all the difference. It does not have to define you or control how you move forward.

Why Unfair Treatment Hurts So Much

When someone treats us unjustly, it rarely stays at the surface level. It often strikes at something deeper within us, such as our values, our sense of competence, or our need to be seen clearly.

If we do not pause to process it, the hurt can spill into other parts of our lives. It can show up in the way we talk to ourselves, in our relationships, or in how we approach our work.

Step 1: Name What You Feel

In that interview, my first reaction was disbelief. Then came anger, and afterwards a spiral of self-doubt. My body held the stress; my heart raced every time I replayed it in my mind.

What helped most was simply naming what I was feeling. Hurt. Embarrassed. Frustrated. Confused. Naming emotions does not erase them, but it creates space between you and the feeling.

Sometimes saying out loud, That really hurt, is an act of self-kindness.

Step 2: Pause Before Reacting

Strong emotions often rise quickly when we are treated unfairly.

Anger, defensiveness, and frustration can take over in an instant. Beneath those first responses, however, is usually a quieter need. A need to be respected, a need to be understood, and a need to be treated fairly.

Instead of reacting right away, try asking yourself, What part of me was most affected by this? Anger is often a signal that something important inside us is calling for care and attention.

Pausing helps us stay grounded after disrespect rather than letting the moment take control.

Step 3: Ask, “What Is Mine to Carry?”

When something painful happens, it is easy to replay every word and every tone of voice. A helpful reflection is to ask, What is mine to carry, and what is not?

I picture three separate spaces:

1. One space holds the things I can choose, such as how I respond, how I care for myself afterwards, and how I make sense of the experience.

2. A second space holds what I may be able to influence but cannot fully control, such as whether someone listens or how prepared they are.

3. The third space holds what is completely outside of my control, such as another person’s assumptions, tone, or behaviour.

In that interview, I had no control over how the interviewer chose to show up. What I could control was how I processed the experience and how I decided to move forward.

Returning to this reflection helped me focus my energy where it mattered most.

Step 4: Move Through, Not Around

When someone’s words or assumptions cut deep, it can feel easier to brush it off. Yet ignoring hurt does not make it disappear. More often, it lingers beneath the surface and eventually spills into other parts of life.

Acknowledging our emotions is not weakness. It is honesty. It is a way of showing ourselves respect. That can mean talking to a trusted friend, journaling our thoughts, or even taking a walk to give the body time to release what the mind is holding.

Allowing ourselves to feel what is there is the very thing that makes healing possible. It is also part of how to cope with unfair treatment in a way that restores self-respect.

Step 5: Protect Your Peace

Unfair treatment can shake confidence and stir doubt. It can also plant the belief that we must prove ourselves to those who are unwilling to see us clearly.

The truth is that we do not need to carry someone else’s assumptions as our own!

You can acknowledge the hurt and still choose a way forward that keeps you grounded. You can decide that protecting your peace is more important than winning over someone who is not willing to understand.

Protecting your peace is especially important when you are coping with being misunderstood by others. This is how to cope with unfair treatment while keeping your dignity intact.

Reflection

What are you still holding onto from a painful experience, and does it truly belong to you? What would it feel like to set it down, even for a moment, and practice staying grounded after disrespect?

Final Thoughts

Staying grounded and responding thoughtfully lets you reclaim your peace and move forward with clarity, even when faced with unfair treatment.

If you’re struggling with being misunderstood or carrying the weight of someone else’s assumptions, you are not alone. These experiences can feel disorienting, but they do not have to define you. With awareness, reflection, and self-care, it is possible to process the hurt and respond with steadiness.

Therapy can provide a supportive space to explore these experiences, understand their impact, and practice grounded ways of responding.

You deserve that support.

I’m Stefan Jürgens, RP (Qualifying), founder of Inner Counsel Psychotherapy. I help adults navigate stress, anxiety, and the impact of unfair treatment with clarity and self-compassion. Book a free 20-minute consultation to see how therapy can support you.

Photo: Stefan Jurgens

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