Your Inner Voice, Your Choice
- Stefan Jurgens
- May 26
- 4 min read
Updated: Jun 2
Understand how your inner voices shape mental health. Learn to reframe negative self-talk, embrace self-compassion, and reclaim control. Practical tips for transforming inner dialogue into a source of strength.
A client once told me, “It’s great to have someone listen—I spend all day listening to myself.”
Their comment stuck with me because it nails the constant inner chatter we all experience: bursts of optimism, nagging doubts, and that critical voice which bleats, “You’re not good enough.”
My own head gets noisy sometimes: one voice cheers small wins, another spirals over unfinished tasks, and a harsh one insists, “Everyone’s ahead of you.” Sound relatable?
We all wrestle with these voices, but we rarely ask: Where do they come from?
Here’s the thing: Our self-talk isn’t random static. It’s shaped by our past, our fears, and our quiet strengths—whether we realize it yet or not.
Why We Fixate on the Negative
Our brains evolved to spot threats—a survival win for dodging predators, but a headache today when replaying an awkward conversation.
This “negativity bias” turns stumbles into catastrophes: “I tripped—everyone’s judging me!” These thoughts feel automatic because they’re wired into our biology.
Here’s the kicker: Our brain can’t tell real danger from imagined embarrassment. A cringey memory triggers the same stress response as facing a bear.
The fix? Catch the pattern: “Ah, my brain’s in overprotective mode.” Naming it lets us pivot from panic to practicality.
Meet Your Inner Voices
Imagine your mind as a round-table discussion. Who’s dominating?
The Critic: “You’ll fail.” -- Fear-driven, it amplifies shame.
The Coach: “One step at a time.” -- Pragmatic, it navigates stress.
The Cheerleader: “Look how far you’ve come!” -- Celebrates growth.
The Compassionate Friend: “It’s okay to struggle.” -- Validates pain.
Most of us default to The Critic. But what if we invited the others to speak more often? I started with a sticky note (Yes, I love sticky notes!): “What would The Compassionate Friend say?” Gradually, gentler voices grew louder. It's a worthwhile practise.
Why Forced Positivity Fails
Ever muttered “I’m confident!”, while feeling like an imposter? Forced optimism backfires—it’s like squeezing into shoes that don’t fit.
Instead, try subtle shifts:
Swap “I’m a failure” for “I’m figuring this out.”
Replace “They hate me” with “I can’t control their thoughts—and that’s okay.”
Self-compassion isn’t about faking joy; it’s honouring our humanity. Think of it as trading the relentless critic for a compassionate mentor.
When Nightfall Fuels Overthinking
Why can our doubts seem louder at night? Silence strips distractions, letting your brain “process” the day. Exhaustion lowers defences, inviting mental spirals.
Try these tools to quieten your dialogue:
Dump worries on paper: “Park” them until morning.
Ground yourself in the now: Name three sounds, textures, or scents around you.
Reframe rest: “Sleep first, solve later.”
The Critic’s Hidden Gift
Our inner critic isn’t the enemy. That “This isn’t working” moment? It might be nudging us toward necessary change—if we meet it with curiosity instead of defensiveness.
Reframe its script:
Swap “Why am I so stupid?” for “What can I learn?”
Replace “I’ll never succeed” with “What’s one tiny step forward?”
Treat The Critic like an overeager coworker: hear it out, then decide if it’s helpful.
Helping Others (and Yourself) Through the Noise
When someone’s drowning in self-doubt:
Listen deeply: “That sounds tough.”
Offer perspective: “What’s another angle?”
Normalize imperfection: “We all have these days.”
If your own inner noise feels crushing? Reach out.
Seeking support isn’t weakness—it’s rewriting the belief that you must suffer alone.
Tiny Shifts, Lasting Change
Rewiring self-talk is less like flipping a switch, more like tending a garden. Celebrate small wins: noticing a harsh thought and thinking, “Not today.”
Progress isn’t linear—some days The Critic storms in and stays. That’s okay.
Daily practices to try:
Morning intention: “Which voice will I amplify today?”
Evening reflection: “When did I show myself kindness?”
Pause and breathe: Three breaths before reacting to stress.
Take Charge of Your Inner Dialogue
That client’s words, “I spend all day listening to myself”, ring true for all of us. We’re always talking to ourselves, but what if that chatter could fuel us instead of draining us?
Our inner voices aren’t flaws. They’re pieces of our story. Some echo old hurts or outside noise; others are just our mind trying to navigate tough situations. The goal isn’t to silence them, but to ask: Does this voice help or hurt?
I used to scoff at the idea that self-talk matters. Now I know: Swapping “I’m not enough” for “I’m learning” isn’t just wordplay—it’s reclaiming control.
Next time your mind races, remember: You’re in charge. Turn down the fear. Amplify the voices that say, “You’re enough, exactly as you are.”
At Inner Counsel Therapy, I help individuals to cultivate balanced, compassionate relationships with their goals and self-expectations. Together, we explore ways to embrace growth with kindness and authenticity. Book a free consultation and begin your journey back to yourself.
© 2025 Stefan Jurgens. All rights reserved.
Unless otherwise noted, all content on this blog is the copyright of Stefan Jurgens.
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