When Therapy Feels Hard: Why Discomfort Can Be a Sign of Growth
- Stefan Jurgens
- Dec 16, 2025
- 4 min read
You sit in the chair, or look at your own face on a screen, and the space around you feels too quiet. Your chest tightens. You wonder why you even signed up for therapy.
If therapy is meant to help, why can it feel so uncomfortable?
I Almost Didn’t Go Back: My Experience with Therapy Discomfort
Honestly, I almost quit therapy after my third session. I left feeling exposed and awkward, like I had said too much and somehow not enough. I remember sitting in my car afterwards, gripping the steering wheel, wondering if I could just cancel all future appointments and never mention this to anyone. Pretending everything was fine and keeping it tucked away seemed easier.
That quiet pull to step back is completely normal. It is part of learning to grow while facing uncomfortable feelings.
Why Feeling Discomfort in Therapy Is Normal
Discomfort can be an important part of healing.
When we speak the things we usually avoid, old protective feelings may rise up. Your mind and body might be saying, “This is unfamiliar. This feels risky. Can we go back to how things were?”
Although it can feel unsettling, that reaction is a sign that something real is happening. You are touching the places that hurt and giving them attention.
You are showing up for parts of yourself that have been carrying so much, often quietly and alone.
Common Reasons Therapy Feels Hard
Therapy can feel uncomfortable for different reasons. Understanding why this happens can help you make sense of your experience:
Feeling exposed while talking about yourself in ways you never have before
Worrying your therapist is judging you, even when they show no signs of it
Unexpected memories or emotions resurfacing
Questioning whether you are “doing therapy correctly”
Noticing tension in other relationships as you change
Recognizing old coping strategies, like people-pleasing or avoiding feelings, without yet knowing what to do instead
Confusing feelings arising in your relationship with your therapist
None of these reactions are signs of failure. They are signs that something inside you is moving.
How to Cope When Therapy Feels Difficult
Naming your feelings is one of the most helpful things you can do. It allows your therapist to adjust the pace and support you in ways that feel manageable.
Change often comes quietly. You may notice small shifts, like speaking up instead of shutting down, allowing yourself to cry, or being more honest with yourself. These are all signs of progress, even when the work feels challenging.
For more on how consistent engagement can support change, check out my article on Consistency in Therapy.
Self-Care Strategies After Challenging Therapy Sessions
After a difficult session, grounding yourself can help. You might:
Enjoy a warm drink
Take a short walk
Pause for mindful breathing
Write down a few thoughts about what came up
The goal is not to solve anything, but to simply acknowledge and honour your experience.
Celebrating the Courage to Show Up in Therapy
Even if all you do is sit in the room and breathe, that is courage.
Returning again shows hope. Each time you choose yourself, no matter how small it feels, it is meaningful.
Take a moment to notice this courage and give yourself credit for the effort you are making.
Red Flags in Therapy: When Discomfort Might Signal Concern
Feeling challenged or emotional in therapy can be part of growth, but sometimes discomfort signals a warning.
If you consistently feel dismissed, judged, or unheard, or if your concerns are ignored, pay attention. Pressure to share before you are ready, blame for your experiences, or minimized emotions may indicate your therapy experience is not fully safe.
When possible, communicate openly with your therapist and notice how they respond. Clarify your needs and set boundaries. If these patterns continue, it is okay to seek guidance from another professional.
Your well-being always comes first.
Honouring Your Own Pace in Therapy
Healing in therapy is personal, and there is no set timeline. Some weeks bring breakthroughs, while others feel slower, and both are meaningful.
What matters most is staying curious and honouring your own rhythm, taking small steps, and noticing what feels meaningful to you.
A Final Word of Encouragement & How to Find Support
If therapy feels hard right now, you are not alone. Reaching this point is often where the deepest change begins.
You’re learning to tolerate uncomfortable feelings without pushing yourself away, and that is a powerful act of care. Continue to show up for yourself, breathe through the discomfort, and allow yourself to be human. Each time you do, you practice courage and resilience.
Therapy isn’t about forcing change.
It’s about having a space where you can move forward in a way that feels respectful and manageable. If you’re looking for therapy that honours this process, I’d be glad to talk.
You can contact me to book a free consultation and see whether working together feels like a good fit.
© 2025 Stefan Jurgens. All rights reserved.
Unless otherwise noted, all content on this blog is the copyright of Stefan Jurgens.
Comments