A Fifth Pillar of Well‑Being: What My Checklist Was Missing
- Stefan Jurgens
- Jul 7
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 14
Remember building pillow forts as a child? Balancing cushions on unsteady chairs, half‑expecting the structure to fall.
Those childhood pillow forts were never stable ... and neither was my approach to well‑being. I stacked ‘good habits’ like those wobbly cushions, ignoring the shaky foundation beneath. Maybe that sounds familiar?
On paper, I was doing everything right: plenty of sleep, salads for lunch, regular exercise. And yet something felt off. I was performing wellness instead of living it.
My checklist had hardened into a set of inflexible “shoulds” and “must‑dos.” And yet, the therapist in me knows that true balance doesn’t come from rigid rules.
Balance thrives on tuning in, not checking off boxes.
Back in October 2024, I wrote about The Four Pillars of Well‑Being. Now I’d like to revisit those pillars with new perspective, plus introduce one essential element I wish I’d mentioned sooner.
Rest: It's More Than Just Sleep
Rest isn't just closing your eyes. It's quieting the noise. You know the drill: 2 a.m., phone glow on your face, pulse quickening at headlines you can't change. Your nervous system stays locked in false vigilance, mistaking screen time for safety.
The antidote starts at night:
Power down properly - An hour before bed, dim lights, and switch devices to grey-scale. Let your brain transition from "alert" to "at ease."
Notice the shift - When you catch yourself reaching for your phone, pause. Ask: "Will this help me rest, or just keep me wired?"
Then carry that calm into daylight:
Morning sanctuary - Let your first 30 minutes be screen‑free. Sip tea while listening to waking birds, or neighbourhood sounds. No podcasts, no news.
Reframe rest - When guilt whispers ("I should be doing more"), remember: True rest isn't passive. Its active repair work your body requires.
Movement: Choose Joy, Not Obligation
For a long time, I treated exercise like a chore, something driven more by guilt than enjoyment. But over time, I began to reconnect with movement in ways that felt natural and playful: skipping stones, dancing while doing the dishes, even taking walking meetings with friends.
Moving my body stopped being a form of punishment and started feeling like care.
Try this:
Rediscover what feels good - What kind of movement lit you up as a kid? Climbing, biking, jumping? Try a version of that now—no performance, no pressure. Just ‘be’.
Move to feel grounded - Feeling overwhelmed? Step outside and walk barefoot in the grass. Notice how your body responds. Let the ground support you.
Nutrition: Connection on the Plate
Food isn’t just fuel, it’s connection. I learned this over a quiet dinner with friends. We arrived tired, conversation lagging. But in our shared silence, something shifted. No small talk, no pretending—just a warmth that had nothing to do with what was on the plates.
Ways to reconnect through food:
Eat with others, even occasionally - It doesn’t have to be elaborate. A simple meal, shared without distractions, can shift the tone of an entire day.
Slow down and notice - Pay attention to flavours, textures, memories. Let eating become an experience, not just a task.
Relationships: Boundaries Communicate Care
I used to say yes to almost everything, like extra work and social plans I didn’t have the energy for, until I started feeling the effects of burnout.
The shift began with a small but honest message to a friend: “I won’t make it to dinner tonight. I need a quiet evening.” Their reply was simple and generous: “Of course. Take care.” It was a quiet reminder that real connection allows room for your limits.
Supporting healthier connection:
Respectful no’s - Declining with honesty can preserve relationships and your own well‑being.
Shoulder‑to‑shoulder conversations - Walking, cooking, or doing something side by side often makes openness feel more natural and less pressured.
The Fifth Pillar: Presence (Our Secret Anchor)
Presence arrives unforced. Sometimes it's just you at the sink, watching sunlight move across dishes. For that moment, there's nowhere else to be.
Presence weaves through all of our well‑being pillars:
In rest - Noticing afternoon light on your desk.
In movement - Feeling wind brush your skin during a stroll.
In meals - Tasting basil’s peppery zing.
In relationships - Truly hearing a loved one’s laugh.
It’s the quiet hum beneath "balance."
An Invitation
Well‑being doesn’t come from perfection. It’s something we build through daily choices, made with care.
Ask yourself - “What do I need today?” Not what you should do, but what would truly support you.
Keep it simple - A few minutes without your phone in the morning. One honest no. A quiet moment to move or breathe.
Expect some wobble - That moment of rushing doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Being human includes mess.
Balance isn’t something achieved once. It’s a practice of returning to yourself gently, repeatedly.
If something feels off, it might be time to listen more closely.
I’m here when you are ready.
Balance isn’t found in perfect systems, but in honest moments—the pause between tasks, the ‘no’ that protects your energy, the quiet noticing of what actually helps.
At Inner Counsel Therapy, we focus on these subtle shifts: where self-awareness meets self-care, and where expectations make space for reality. If you’re ready to explore well-being beyond checklists, I invite you to a free consultation.
No formulas, just human conversation.
© 2025 Stefan Jurgens. All rights reserved.
Unless otherwise noted, all content on this blog is the copyright of Stefan Jurgens.
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