Meeting Your Tiredness with Kindness: The RAIN of Self-Compassion

(Part 3/4 of "The Permission to Pause" Series)

The Antidote Lives in Kindness

In Part 1, we honoured your exhaustion. In Part 2, we met your inner critic, a "learned protector" shaped by old rules and cultural pressures. In demanding work cultures, exhaustion is often dismissed as weakness, and rest mistaken for laziness. So, when fatigue whispers pause, this voice shouts not enough. We become convinced that relentless pushing ensures safety.

We now introduce RAIN, a four-step mindfulness practice adapted by psychologist Tara Brach from Michele McDonald’s original framework. It guides you to pause, notice difficult emotions, and respond with kindness through: Recognise, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture.

Something I Learned

During grad school, I often pushed through exhaustion, my heart racing as I raced to meet deadlines. My inner critic warned I’d fall behind if I stopped. One night, I tried RAIN. I named the panic, allowed it, and asked, ‘What do I need?’ Just a break and a cup of tea. I offered kindness. Everything shifted.

That moment changed how I face struggle. Simple, but powerful.

Self-Compassion Defined

Self-compassion means treating yourself as you would a struggling friend: offering kindness when facing difficulty, patience with limits, and respect for your humanity.

It’s courage to pause, responsibility to honour limits, and truth that your struggle matters but doesn’t define you.

As Tara Brach reminds us, "Self-compassion interrupts the war with ourselves, freeing us to live from our natural loving awareness."

Self-compassion is not laziness, self-pity, or avoidance of responsibility.

RAIN: Creating Refuge Within

Exhaustion paired with self-judgement erodes inner peace. RAIN rebuilds that sanctuary through four deliberate steps: Recognise, Allow, Investigate and Nurture. These steps help you slow down, invite compassion and expand space around difficult emotions.

1. Recognise

Name sensations like body heaviness or fog. Noticing them interrupts self-attack and opens space to observe.

2. Allow

Let your experience be exactly as it is, without trying to change it. Offer yourself simple permission such as “this belongs now” or “I don’t need to fix anything.”

This simple act calms your nervous system and softens resistance.

3. Investigate with Kindness

Begin by noticing where the sensation feels most intense, maybe a tight chest, fluttering stomach, or heavy limbs. Then, name the emotion: fear, frustration, overwhelm? Finally, ask: “What does this need right now?” Rest, safety, acceptance? Pause and listen.

This inquiry helps you uncover the needs beneath your exhaustion and how to respond with care.

4. Nurture and Release Labels

As you place a hand on your heart, notice the steady rhythm of your breath. Silently affirm: "You deserve kindness." If words feel awkward, focus on the warmth of your touch. Remind yourself: “This exhaustion will pass. It’s not who I am."

If kindness feels forced, start small: “May I begin to allow it.” This isn’t perfection, it’s practice. Even that softens judgement and begins to anchor you in care.

Practised together, RAIN becomes a lived refuge you can return to anytime.

Try This

Place a hand on your heart and say, “Rest is allowed.”

Notice how your breath deepens, your posture eases, and the inner critic softens.

After Practicing RAIN

You may notice your inner voice softening or your breath settling. If so, you’ve engaged with these underlying shifts:

• Disarming old fears by turning toward them with curiosity

• Validating rest as an essential part of self‑care

• Building new pathways that signal safety whenever you pause

Many describe their bodies softening, the mental noise quieting, and a deep inner permission to finally rest. A colleague mentioned her shoulders dropping away from her ears, while a friend noticed his clenched jaw finally releasing.

What’s Next?

To sustain this kindness through demanding days, Part 4 shares 90-second ‘permission slips’ to ground you in RAIN’s calm.

For now, pause, place your hand on your heart, and ask yourself softly, “Could kindness be the bravest pause of all?”

Note: If self-kindness feels unfamiliar (common with 'tough love' conditioning), this is nervous system retraining. Each 'Rest is allowed' rewires old patterns.

Stefan Jürgens, RP (Qualifying), is a Registered Psychotherapist and founder of Inner Counsel Psychotherapy. He guides adults through anxiety, perfectionism, and life transitions with science-backed warmth.

You are invited to book a free consultation to begin your journey toward meaningful well-being.

Photo: Maggie Zhan via Pexels

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