Supporting Someone with Depression: A Guide for Friends, Colleagues, and Family

Winter in Canada is often dark, cold, and can feel relentless. With shorter days and limited sunlight, we might feel our energy dip and our mood slip. This is because seasonal changes can exacerbate feelings of sadness and isolation, making it even more important to pay attention to mental health. For those already struggling with depression, this time of year can feel especially heavy, and the support of friends, family, or colleagues can be a crucial lifeline.

Helping a friend, colleague, or family member who is dealing with depression can seem challenging. You may be concerned about saying something inappropriate or overstepping boundaries. However, your support and care can have a meaningful impact. Here are practical steps to guide you through this process with empathy and understanding.

Understand Depression

Depression goes beyond simply feeling sad or experiencing a bad day. It is a condition that impacts mood, energy levels, sleep, and decision-making. As noted by the Mayo Clinic, depression can also present physical symptoms such as body aches, changes in appetite, and fatigue.

Understanding that depression is a condition, not a choice, allows us to approach others with empathy instead of judgment.

Recognize the Signs

Common symptoms include:

• Persistent sadness or hopelessness

• Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy

• Changes in appetite or weight

• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions

• Physical fatigue or unexplained aches

• Social withdrawal

If someone you care about is showing these signs, it’s important to approach them gently and non-judgmentally. Here are some suggestions:

How to Offer Support

1. Start the Conversation

Opening up a dialogue can be a crucial first step. This process might involve the following:

• Pick a quiet, private time to talk.

• Express concern without making assumptions: “I’ve noticed you seem a bit down lately. How are you feeling?”

• Be patient if they’re not ready to talk; your willingness to listen matters.

2. Listen Without Judgment

Your role is not to fix their problems, but to create a safe space. Tips for active listening include:

• Avoid interrupting or offering quick fixes.

• Validate their feelings with responses like, “That sounds really hard,” or “I’m here for you.”

• Resist minimizing their experience by saying things like, “It’s just a phase” or “Snap out of it.”

3. Encourage Professional Help

Suggest they consult a doctor or mental health professional. If they’re hesitant, offer to help:

• Research therapists or support groups together.

• Accompany them to their first appointment if they’re comfortable.

• Share resources, like the Canadian Mental Health Association’s guide to finding support.

4. Be Patient

Recovery from depression takes time, and progress can be slow. Celebrate small victories—getting out of bed, taking a walk, or attending therapy.

Supporting Them Day-to-Day

1. Offer Practical Help

Depression can make everyday tasks feel overwhelming. Offer specific assistance, such as:

• Bringing over a meal

• Helping with errands or childcare

• Inviting them for a low-pressure activity like a walk or coffee

2. Promote Self-Care

While you can’t make someone to take care of themselves, gentle encouragement can help. For example:

• “Would you like to take a walk with me?”

• “Let’s cook something healthy together.”

3. Respect Their Boundaries

At times, the person you care for may require some space. Honour their boundaries, while letting them know you’re available when they’re ready.

Protect Your Own Well-Being

Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally draining. Prioritize your mental health by:

• Setting boundaries to avoid burnout

• Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or therapist

• Engaging in self-care activities that replenish your energy

Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself allows you to better support others.

Know When to Seek Emergency Help

If a friend, colleague, or family member shares thoughts of self-harm or suicide, always take them seriously. Encourage them to seek immediate help by:

• Calling or text a crisis hot-line (e.g., Suicide Crisis Helpline: 9-8-8)

• Going to the nearest hospital or emergency room

• Staying with them until professional help arrives

Some Thoughts

Your compassion and support can be a lifeline for someone experiencing depression. While it’s not your responsibility to “fix” them, your presence, patience, and encouragement can help them feel less alone and more hopeful about recovery. By understanding depression, listening with empathy, and protecting your well-being, you can be a pillar of strength for someone in need.

If you or someone you know would like to learn more, let’s talk. Book a free 20-minute initial consultation at Inner Counsel Psychotherapy.

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Photo: Fabrice Villard via Unsplash